Sometimes Life is Unfair

I just finished reading a friend's blog about the tragedy that happened to the Chapman family. It breaks my heart. And I cry for them because it makes me think of my own son, who just graduated from preschool, who I love with everything I am. I cannot imagine my life without him.

I am also reminded of one of my heroes. My cross-country coach from high school, Coach Mac. He always believed in me, encouraged me and always had great advice about running. The best advice he ever gave me came years later, though. His teenage daughter, Jessica, was killed in a car accident driving home from the beach. She had so much going for her and it was all gone in a second. When I went to visit Coach, after the accident, I brought Isaiah, my son with me. I told him how sorry I was. And he gave me these, oh so true, words. "She was never mine in the first place. I just got to have her for awhile and I will cherish every moment I had. And he told me to remember that Isaiah is not mine; he is God's. Cherish every second." These words from a broken man. I remember those words and hold them close to my heart. May we always cherish our children, our perfect gift from God. And thank Him for every minute with them.

God Is Moving!

Have you ever really said "yes" to God? Well, when the reality of AIDS hit me through a sermon I heard (and that is only to make a long story short) and I said "YES!", God has continually brought experiences my way that would only strengthen my desire to do something about AIDS. Just when I think I am too tired or busy or burdened with problems, God will say, "BRITNEY... there is this seminar or this consortium or this walk, etc. you need to go to. Luckily, I go. Because I am so blessed every single time.

This weekend happened to be an HIV/AIDS Seminar at Calvary Chapel. I never would have guessed who would possibly be there. What I would learn. Anything. I just got a couple people to go with me and check it out. Honestly, there were not many people there, maybe 30, at the most.

We met Dan Davis, who was diagnosed with full blown AIDS in 1994. A man who was molested at a very young age and then raped as a young man by his landlord. A man who spent many years in the gay lifestyle, feeling scared and alone. Dan's story is amazing. He was saved by the grace of God, even after a preacher told him "leave the gay lifestyle or leave the church." Today he is saved; he leads a support group in Phoenix and is married with 3 kids. If only I could tell you his whole story. There is so much more.

We met Tracie and Tim Danneville. Tracie has been HIV for 24 years. She infected her now 18 year old daughter when she was born. Her husband has full blown AIDS. They have a ministry in Lakeland, FL called "Straight to the Heart." If I thought Dan's story was amazing, their story was even more powerful.

We also met Bruce and Joni. Bruce is someone I had read about already and admired him just because of his story. I never imagined I would meet and talk with him and be encouraged by him. He does not have AIDS or HIV, but he started something called He Intends Victory, which leads support groups for people with AIDS all over the world. If God can use Bruce, maybe he can use me, too.

The man that publicized this seminar in Jax says it was very frustrating. He contacted every church he could find, and did not receive one response. But I know that I found out about it because God wanted me there. He is moving in me and I am scared, overwhelmed, and joyful all at the same time.
Bruce said "God's church is a hospital for broken lives. People should be able to come there to be mended by the love of Jesus Christ." That is why we are here!!!!!

Isaiah 41:13 says "For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear, I will help you." What more do we need? We have to stop allowing Satan to use fear; I believe it is the church's biggest enemy. And mine. But God is moving in me and I won't give up. I met some beautiful people that are already fighting this fight. I am going to keep fighting with them. AIDS isn't going anywhere; there is no cure.
"But there is a cure for the hopelessness of AIDS. And we know that cure is Jesus Christ." Dan Davis

Let me finish with this. It is a rap written by Tracie's daughter who was born with HIV by no fault of her own. But God is already using this young woman in powerful ways. She is trying to prevent kids her age from getting the disease.

Fight AIDS Rap
by Leslie Clementi
Yo!
My name is Lesley and I wanna tell you
that I have HIV if you do that's two.
I am here to tell you and I am here to say
that you are cool in every way.
My mom has HIV my stepdad got AIDS
don't treat us like you want to throw us away.
If you don't want to be my friend it's your loss
but you're missing out on a lot. Oh Gosh!
I love you God can't you see
that you mean so much to me so I plea!
Bad times in life have been here before
Needles hurt they make you sore.
I have been kicked out of church
I have not been able to come
but all I need is love so give me some.
I am just like you
I am a normal teen, so let me do, too.
My biggest fear is to die,
but please listen up this is no lie.
I don't get sick very often,
but I don't want my mom picking out the coffin.
Ya'll hear me now; Don't have sex,
Cause you're taking a risk somehow.
So don't take the risk,
You don't want to turn out like me.
You don't want to walk in my shoes,
so thanks for listening to me!

AIDS WALK 2008

This weekend a team of seven of us went down to Orlando and walked in their annual AIDS Walk. I was so impressed with everyone's committment to the cause. We left Jacksonville at an ugly 5:30 am. It was great spending the 2 hours getting to know them and seeing that they were as excited as I was gave me much encouragement. We walked around Lake Eola two times, only to realize that we were supposed to walk three times, but don't worry we are honest. We walked our third lap after everyone else was finished. There were all kinds of people there from all walks of life. There was the gay men's chorus, a huge group from Disney, a group from Gap and a quite large group called "Alex's Angels" who were walking for Alex who had died of AIDS. There were even black women wearing shirts that said "I HAVE HIV....Don't you wish it were that easy to tell." And an older man proudly wearing his "I'm an 18 year survivor" T-shirt. As we left the walk, I felt a little disappointment that I did not create an opportunity to talk with any of them.

Now that I have had time to reflect, I realize I will be doing that many times again in my life. It was an experience like no other. I see that group of people in my mind, and I think that is where we, as Christians, SHOULD be. We are on this earth to bring people to Christ. But not just people that we are comfortable being around... ALL PEOPLE!! Even the man at the walk that was dressed as a woman; yes Jesus loves him, too. Yes, it is incredibly difficult to find a way in their world, but who cares?!! God never said it would be easy; in fact He tells us it WILL be difficult, but He is with us. He wants us to give our everything so that anyone and everyone will see His love reflected off of us. In my mind, God gives us a huge opportunity with the gay community, people with AIDS, and just plain hurting people. It is an opportunity to give of ourselves; a call to bring hope to the hopeless. To show love to the unloved; to bring God's compassion and grace to those who feel rejected. We have to stop sitting in our churches looking out the window waiting for them to come to us. God tells to "go out unto all the world." I am done waiting for them to find me; LET"S GO GET THEM!!!! God has given me a burning desire to love these people. God never let that passion die. Make it burn until the day I die.
With all that said, I want to say that I am so proud of my team! They are awesome. The 2 teens that went, I cannot say how impressed with them I am. Jordan and Lindsay, God is raising up great leaders in you! I CANNOT wait to see all that He will do through you! The rest of my team: Cheryl, Belinda, Melissa, Rachel, I am so blessed to have such great warriors on my team. We are going to shake up Jacksonville with God's love! Who is with us?!!! :) Thank you for walking on this journey! You are awesome!

Will You Be A Leader?

What a question, right? I think it is incredibly difficult to be a great leader today. You have to be willing to do things outside of the box and take risks; a good leader must have an enormous amount of courage. I always thought a leader had to be someone that, not only looks like a leader(you know, put together, well-dressed), but also speaks with confidence and is not afraid of anything. Well, that is certainly not me. To be honest, I think I have lived my life as a follower. You tell me what to do and I will do it. Through the process of beginning this AIDS ministry, I have constantly been asking people I respect questions like, "what do you think, what should I do, do you think this is right?" Pretty much every reponse I have received left me more confused than ever. And I began to realize that God gave me this huge passion for a reason. I am often baffled when people do not get as excited about this like I am, but now I know that we all are given a passion and a purpose and God calls us to pursue it. No I do not look like a leader, no I don't talk like one and I am afraid of so much. But God gives me boldness when I least expect it and He gives me courage when I need it the most. When I think that all people see is this scared little girl, He allows my heart to shine through. When people do not understand why I am so passionate about helping people with AIDS and reaching out to the gay community, God gives me the words to say. So what is a good leader? I really am not sure how to answer that except that God made us all different and will use us how He sees fit. We, however, have to accept the call and have to be willing to sacrifice it all to accomplish His perfect purpose! I do not think I will ever consider myself to be a leader, but I do know that I cannot use this short life just to watch it go by. I said "yes" to God. There is no turning back. There is no cure for AIDS, but there is a hope that is eternal! May God be our ultimate leader today and everyday and give us the desire to seek the passion He has placed on our hearts with reckless abandon until the day He calls us home!

Live with vision. It's a command!

About nine months ago, I began a life changing journey. I heard a sermon by Arron Chambers that led me to believe that little old me was supposed to do something about this enormous pandemic called AIDS. Geez. Where do I begin? An AIDS Walk sounded like a great idea and it still does, but it is a long work in process. So a couple of us started thinking about something we could do now to make an impact in the AIDS community of Jacksonville. We decided to make care packages for new moms with AIDS at The Rainbow Center in Jacksonville. The Rainbow Center is a family-centered, comprehensive health care provider for HIV-infected or exposed infants, children, adolescents, women and their families, including their partners. It began with the idea of providing a few baby care items, but grew into making laundry baskets packed FULL of baby stuff. I was completely overwhelmed with the enormous response from people that just plain care! I was and still am in awe of everyone's generosity. We collected enough supplies to make over 30 baskets!!! It was a lot of hard work and a lot of stepping out of my comfort zone, personally, but we finally got to deliver the care packages to The Rainbow Center. We delivered 12 baskets plus a lot of donated clothing; we will go back every 3 months to deliver baskets for a support group the staff holds for their new moms. I pray, that as time passes, we will build a lasting relationship with the staff and the patients. My ultimate goal is to be more than people dropping off baby supplies. God calls us to be the hands and feet of Jesus. May God use me and the many others who have jumped on board for this amazing, exciting, yet disturbing, heartbreaking adventure to show God's grace to ANYONE we run into along the way. Let Matthew 25:40 be forever in our mind as we work together.
Many have encouraged me along the beginning of this journey and some are already moving on. At first, I was very sad, but now I see that they can take this with them where they are going and make it even bigger. I will try and keep this blog up to date until we get a website set up of all that we are trying to do and I hope I will hear from all of you about your adventure, too. I am still very interested in organizing an AIDS Walk in Jacksonville. The non profit has to be up and running first, which, for me has been an uphill battle. I am not going to give up and will keep you informed. In the meantime, a group of us will be travelling to Orlando to walk in their AIDS Walk. I am very excited about the impact we could have there and I will let you know how it goes! Until then, live your life with a vision, a vision to love others no matter the cost!

So this is my first post ever. I had to start this thing off with a video of a pastor in Rwanda that I admire for his thoughts on helping people in need. Watch the whole thing because what he says at the end is what spoke to me the most!